Thursday, July 17, 2014

Stomach Solutions

As you may have been able to tell from Monday's post, I have a very weak stomach. But in talking with all of my girlfriends, most of us do (apparently unlike blessed men like Kyle who have complete control over their digestive systems). 

Now for some advice you surely won't find anywhere else, but you need to know. Here are my tips on how to avoid shit-tastic situations on your wedding day. Now try and say that three times fast. 


It's the week of your wedding, and you've most likely been on a diet and staying away from the carbs. But the night of your rehearsal dinner is sure to bring about some baskets of bread. And anyone who did the Atkins Diet in college knows what its like to have a carb for the first time in a month--leaving you with enough gas to fuel a trip up the California coast. 

Don't spend the night before your wedding in misery. Plus, the week of the wedding is when the family starts to trickle in and things start to get stressful, so eat those feelings girl--you've worked hard up to this point so it won't make a difference. A hungry bride equals a hoodrat bride, so eat up!


Now if you said, "Raquel, take your advice and shove it," and did not listen to rule number one then you may have found yourself in predicament. After months of living on lettuce, you dove into that fettuccine face first at your rehearsal, feel like you have to shit a brick, or have a brick in your stomach you can't shit. I'm not sure which is worse.

But no matter what you do, do not take a laxative the night before your wedding. You still may be feeling those affects the next day, especially with all of those excess nerves. Trust me, a friend did, and she was making pit stops to the porcelain throne throughout pictures and up until the walk to the altar. When in doubt, just try to let nature takes its course, because any outside help may not be so helpful the next day. 

When the morning of the big day comes, our priorities lie with making sure the reception hall is set up and heading off to those hair appointments. The last things on our minds is eating. But make sure at some point, you've arranged for brunch to be dropped off. I suggest having it brought to the room you are getting ready in so you are sure to have some. We ordered Subway to the suite and everyone snacked on it throughout the day.  

Also, be sure to have dinner at your wedding, I barely did because I was a sweaty hot mess and was too busy getting my hair up and out of my face. I had about three bites of chicken, but what from everyone says, the food was amazing. I just wish I would have known that myself. In the end, my goal was to get college wasted, and on an empty stomach, indeed I did. I definitely did myself proud.

That being said, do you think I should submit this to Martha Stewart Weddings? Seems right up their alley...




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