Monday, July 21, 2014


I was fortunate enough not to have a Fashion Police taping this week, and was able to head back to my hometown of Sandusky, Ohio to reunite with some college friends. Our old college adviser was nice enough to treat us all to a stay at Cedar Point for the weekend. 

It's easy to lose touch as the years go by, but I've realized not to let the good ones slip away. They are worth the effort. It was great to catch up, bust each others balls, and do what we do best -- drink. 

We also caught up with family and celebrated my brother's birthday with a cookout, some cornhole, and our annual water balloon toss. 

While I am grateful for my life in LA, there are plenty of things I miss about Ohio - the smell of freshly cut grass, listening to thunderstorms, the lake, my dog George, shredded chicken sandwiches, and the people - especially the people. 

I've been to lots of places, but can still confidently say - Midwest is the Best...

Have a great week UnBrides and try to share it with some good peeps!


Thursday, July 17, 2014

Stomach Solutions

As you may have been able to tell from Monday's post, I have a very weak stomach. But in talking with all of my girlfriends, most of us do (apparently unlike blessed men like Kyle who have complete control over their digestive systems). 

Now for some advice you surely won't find anywhere else, but you need to know. Here are my tips on how to avoid shit-tastic situations on your wedding day. Now try and say that three times fast. 

It's the week of your wedding, and you've most likely been on a diet and staying away from the carbs. But the night of your rehearsal dinner is sure to bring about some baskets of bread. And anyone who did the Atkins Diet in college knows what its like to have a carb for the first time in a month--leaving you with enough gas to fuel a trip up the California coast. 

Don't spend the night before your wedding in misery. Plus, the week of the wedding is when the family starts to trickle in and things start to get stressful, so eat those feelings girl--you've worked hard up to this point so it won't make a difference. A hungry bride equals a hoodrat bride, so eat up!

Now if you said, "Raquel, take your advice and shove it," and did not listen to rule number one then you may have found yourself in predicament. After months of living on lettuce, you dove into that fettuccine face first at your rehearsal, feel like you have to shit a brick, or have a brick in your stomach you can't shit. I'm not sure which is worse.

But no matter what you do, do not take a laxative the night before your wedding. You still may be feeling those affects the next day, especially with all of those excess nerves. Trust me, a friend did, and she was making pit stops to the porcelain throne throughout pictures and up until the walk to the altar. When in doubt, just try to let nature takes its course, because any outside help may not be so helpful the next day. 

When the morning of the big day comes, our priorities lie with making sure the reception hall is set up and heading off to those hair appointments. The last things on our minds is eating. But make sure at some point, you've arranged for brunch to be dropped off. I suggest having it brought to the room you are getting ready in so you are sure to have some. We ordered Subway to the suite and everyone snacked on it throughout the day.  

Also, be sure to have dinner at your wedding, I barely did because I was a sweaty hot mess and was too busy getting my hair up and out of my face. I had about three bites of chicken, but what from everyone says, the food was amazing. I just wish I would have known that myself. In the end, my goal was to get college wasted, and on an empty stomach, indeed I did. I definitely did myself proud.

That being said, do you think I should submit this to Martha Stewart Weddings? Seems right up their alley...

Monday, July 14, 2014

Shit Happens

Kyle and I have had a long-standing debate regarding stomach situations. He is of the belief that any normal human being has the capacity to hold their bowel movements under any and all given circumstances. 

I am of the the belief that even if you turn the radio up, the air conditioning on full blast, and pray to Jesus harder than you ever have before, sometimes there isn't a Denny's to pull over at and sadly the inevitable may happen. 

When I admitted to Kyle I left a load in my Pontiac Sunfire on the desolate drive back to college (for all of you who know Route 6, you know what I am talking about), he automatically thought I was the most disgusting human being alive, not understanding that after having five of my grandma's meatballs, anyone else would have been in my same position.

While at my family reunion the summer before our wedding, I knew my sick and twisted family would also share in my belief. We all began to to swap stories. When we asked my grandpa if he had, his response was "How many times?"

We were all crying from laughing so hard and I knew that when Kyle came outside he had to learn of this consensus. I wish you could have seen the look on his face when everyone raised their hands. Classic.  

I will have you know that the day Kyle shits himself will be deemed a National Holiday in my family. We have a standing deal that a mass text must be sent as soon as it happens. 

Now you may think I'm over sharing, but I'm just simply saying it's important to know what family you are marrying into. Because after all, the family that shits together, stays together!